Lately...
Lately I’ve been feeling very spiritually lethargic and I notice that it affects every part of my life. Discipline becomes less important, hearing Gods voice becomes harder, the desire to be creative begins to wane, I become more needy in my relationships…the list is endless as I attempt to replace God in my life with anything mundane that I can get my hands on, not out of spite but simply because I can’t be arsed. Why? I wish I knew.Into these times I find that God invariably breaks through, even if they are short torrents of intense relationship that flare up and die down again, they are truly precious and some of the most creative times for me. An island of promise and joy in what seems like a sea of ignorance and waste.
One such time occurred only a few weeks ago. I hadn’t written anything for a long time and finally wrote out of my despondency, this.
It Would Be You…
Who’d have thought?
It would be You I’d loose my heart to.
Find life-lust on your lips.
Your words awaken my life.
Who’d have thought?
It would be You who’d draw me near,
Sat down, tear-smeared and breathless.
Overwhelmed by Your knowing.
“You are mine…”
Writing the words is like a kiss.
“…And I am Yours”
And You say; “I didn’t pay in part,
All it takes is surrender”.
Oh, my beloved, what of me now?
That it were just about my heart.
In the week that followed God took me on a journey of promise that ended with a revelation of the way that surrender brings authority. That when we submit to the beauty of the Holy Spirit working through us, we can do all things. That’s when your life finishes. I’m dead already – or at least I might as well be. My life isn’t my own and because of that God promises more than I could ever dream of achieving through ambition and subscribing to the politics of ‘success’. A week later I wrote this next poem. Somehow the two together sum up a watershed moment when I began to stop running towards what my life was going to look like and began to think about how I could burn it all and watch it blaze, bright and hot in a dark place, where the only people who would see, were the people who needed the warmth.
Temple
Man, so stripped in his worship;
Naked-aware that You are God,
And he, flesh, kept from death,
But for the constant frail flutter,
Of time ticking in his breast.
O familiar ache in the centre;
Your presence pressing deep.
What a mystery for the Great I AM,
To choose this throne of breath,
And bone, my humble God, to use.
I am an anthem of my Gods renown,
The train of his robe fills this temple,
Richest fount of exquisite emotion,
Free-flung, wild and unbound,
Yet found, bound in my Zion.
Man, so stripped in his worship;
Naked-aware that You are God,
And he, a paper cup, kept from ash,
But for the very furnace within.
A frame of dust on a blaze of authority.
I’m a pillar of fire;
So show me a desert.
I think I’ve learned that if you find yourself in the grip of an attitude or a lifestyle that you hate but can’t get out of. Try crying out. Whether out of bitterness, distress, hatred or just boring nothingness. The Psalms demonstrate a God who responds when we become passionate, if even for the briefest of moments.
posted by Matt Heaton @ 11:45 pm
4 Comments:
Wow. What a post. Your poetry is fantastic, and I identify so much with what you say. It is all too easy to let ones love grow cold, because there are so many distractions. One fresh glimpse of it always makes you wish you'd never left Him though. It makes us wish we were not a slave to this flesh as we are.
wow dude. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. The times of drifting seem such a waste when you think about what being with God means, and yet we all do it.
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Mr H, you never cease to astound me!
That's beautiful Matt!
How our Master uses those ditches in life to water trees and flowers fit to delight the King He is...
Thanks guys. Almost didn't post it. It's close to my heart.
Minnie; Starberri also has some fantastic poetry in the public domain. Check it out.
http://www.starberri.co.uk/Writing
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